To Read or Not To Read

So I was getting ready to go out for a run, I really need a run! As I sat down on the toilet for my last pee before heading out, I opened up Facebook, yes I am guilty of Facebooking on the toilet, don't judge me, you are too! Anyway, as I was scrolling through I came across an article about Fifty Shades of Grey and how it is bad for marriages. I disagree with this article and with anyone judging what is good for or not good for any marriage that is not theirs. My marriage is mine to manage and your marriage is yours to manage. I am trying to be careful not to offend anyone..aka not lose followers or readers... but we all know that I am slightly incapable of doing so, so I should just say what I feel. Which is what will happen anyway, I will try to leave the justification out of it and the attempt to make me feel like there is no way you can judge me negatively because of my view point and all my back up justifications about my opinion. Basically you may disagree and if so, know that it is OK with me for you to disagree. You don't have to do things my way. You do you! Do what works for you and your marriage.

So, it was said that "Fifty Shades of Grey" or any erotica or pornography leads to sexual desire outside your marriage. I can see that if the person is doing this alone or with someone that is not their partner. However I believe the opposite when done together. The Hubs and I use porn at times to help our stimulate our sexual desire. It is not causing anything except the two of us getting excited for each other. Maybe I am completely off base and I just have the wool pulled over my face but reading sexual stories or looking at sexually charged images are not giving me a desire for the dude in the picture or anyone else for that matter. It is giving me ideas of what we can do for and with The Hubs who is right there with me. I think, if used properly a couple can stimulate their marriage and keep attraction to each other high by these tools. Does this make me an adulterer? I don't think so.

I started to read the Fifty Shades book, I liked it. I got to the middle of the book right around the contract area for those who have read it and kind of lost interest actually, no, I got busy or something. I have ADD it is hard for me to finish any books, and I would rather spend the time reading stories with my husband and having our own romantic and sexual explorations with him than read it in a book. And for him it was too slow to read together. So for me Fifty Shades of Grey didn't intercept my sexual attention or any of my attention from him anyway. For my single friend, one who read it and the rest of the trilogy, she loved them and couldn't put them down, partly because she was alone most of the time because she didn't have a husband to play with at night or during down times. But no one will ever convince me that erotica is bad for a marriage especially when the Hubs and I enjoy each other so much. As for my single friend I don't think it affected her relationships except to give her some things she would like to try with her next BF or maybe one day a husband.

Life is tough! We have jobs, bills, rooms to clean, laundry to get done, dishes, someone has to make dinner, kids to get to practices, the Hubs coaches 2 out three of the Boy's sports he is busy with work and he teaches classes in his trade and I am a mom do I need to say more...runny noses, kids being mean to my kids...the list goes on. By the time kids get to bed at 9 or so we are both tired. Porn or erotic stories spice up our lives and gives us that energy to put into each other sexually. Our sex life started out rocky. It kind of sucked! I think that growing up afraid of sex, which I don't think was all bad, I didn't end up a pregnant teen or with a man who doesn't love me, but that made it hard for me to get into sex as a young adult. So, when the Hubs and I were together and become adults and start to have sex, I was afraid of it. I was taught sex was bad. You don't have sex unless you are married but once you are married what do you do and how does it become good? A dilemma that will stick with me as I raise my children into adults. How to raise smart kids who don't get pregnant but not make them afraid of sex...

I also know that not having experience prior to meeting and marrying my husband led to a little bit of awkwardness and not knowing how to get what I wanted or being able to tell the Hubs about it. Talking about sex was taboo, just as sex was taboo and when I made that transition into adulthood, no one gave me permission to be okay with sex so I really never was. Until one day, who knows what happened I don't but I just was OK with it. (I think a quick talk to an older sister of a high school beau of mine helped that transition a bit) At first, sex hurt, I had sexual dysfunction as a 21 year old! Thankful for Berman and Berman two Doctor sisters who had done studies on Sexual dysfunction in women! I happen to watch them on Oprah and learned a lot of the mechanics of sex and sexual dysfunction but still had reservations. Sex finally got good after the birth of my second child when I finally got into it. I don't know what shifted but that is when I finally got pleasure and wanted to have sex. I have always been told sex is good but I hadn't really felt that until then. I don't know what switched in me. I think it was me realizing I was an adult and it was okay to make up my own mind and believe what I felt was right not just what someone else told me to believe was right. I became of woman right then!

Sex is very intimate and emotional but there are also those times it is raw and emotion free and just feels good! I never understood the idea of friends with benefits or people who could just have one night stands but now I do. It took me long time for that. Not that I advocate cheating but I have heard men (and women too) say I just wanted sex, my wife won't give it to me so I went to a brothel or people who claim "it was just sex". Is that even real? Part of me says no not possible but I do know now that I think it is. I have learned with the Hubs that there are times I want to punch him because he makes me so mad and I hate him so much (the P!NK song True Love explains this to a T) but put me in the corner of the couch and I can forget that in just a few short seconds of his hands and his tongue and his manness on and in my body!

Yes sometimes we use porn to spice up our sexual game. Desire sometimes is hard when you have a crazy busy life. I know you mom's have been in the act and heard the dryer go off and just wanted him to finish so you could get them before they have wrinkles on them and the clothes in the washer need to be switched over so you don't forget and end up with that old laundry smell on your clothes. Or as your husband when your husband are in doing it doggy style and you are looking at his pile of clothes he throws on the floor next to your bed, "are those clean or dirty?" We have all been there, if you say no I bet you are lying! Porn helps get be in the moment. We'll use the laptop laying in bed and talk about tattoos we see on people and "OMG can you believe that make up" and then "wow, that looks interesting..." and we have to try it, or sometimes it is just a little flick of the finger oooh that was nice and he and I are locked on each other and forget what is going on on the screen.... Don't tell me this is bad for my marriage. We have great sex and yes sometimes we fantasize about things that are not politically correct but we are together every night we are not off searching out those fantasies or pleasuring by ourselves we share in it and enjoy every minute!

So take this however you like. Read Fifty Shades, watch porn, go to strip clubs or don't. I believe it can be a good tool in a marriage to draw you close together, to get over the hump....hehe I said hump....of daily life and get back to the sex kittens you once were or maybe you never were or never lost that in each other. If Fifty Shades gets your wife hot and ready to go for you, wouldn't you want her to read it? If it makes it so she is reading and spending all her time with B.O.B. then, I agree it would be bad in that situation and you need help. So, ladies let your man join in on the fun of Fifty Shades...apparently there are toys that are in the book available online, or go to Lovers Package or find some sexual enhancing products. Do whatever it takes to be hot for your lover! Never underestimate the power of good sex with your spouse! I don't think there is anything that helps a couple's relationship more than sex, Good Sex! However that has to happen, why question it? Isn't this a big reason we get married, for a live in Fuck Buddy and Cuddle Partner all in one, who is there with you every night! My husband is my best friend so he is a Friend with benefits and boy do I take advantage of those benefits when I need to and I let him take advantage of mine!

#Everyday2015

And I still have time for a run!

Practice What You Preach

A little late post today, we have been at Dance Convention and during lunch I decided to take the parent class instead of blogging during lunch. Which turned out to be a Musical Theater Hip Hop performing opp for us parents. As we were learning our routine today the instructor said, "here is your chance to have a moment" our kids get these moments all the time when they perform, now it was our turn. "Don't waste it" she said. It made me think, will I be able to practice what I preach and dance it out big, perform, and show up in my face they way I tell The Girl to when she is on stage.

I am always coaching up my kids. For The Girl it is about practicing the way she is going to perform. She doesn't always "perform it" in her rehearsals. She will bring it on stage though. She always steps it up a notch or two when she is in a performance. I always say, imagine what it would be like if you practiced that way, you would be through the roof!!! For The Boy it is telling him to play like he practices. Sometimes during games he holds back. I think it is because he is afraid to mess up. He won't run as fast or go as hard to "avoid" a mistake. I know all to well what that is like. So today when I was thinking of having my moment in this performance I thought "remember what you tell The Girl and do that!"

Well, in the performance I did, mostly. I knew I had to because she would be even more embarrassed and say "mom, why didn't you perform it full out" or maybe it would be a good example of what not to do, that is if she took her embarrassment hands away from her head long enough to watch. In my performance I listened to that voice that I tell The Girl. "Look like you are having fun! Be sharp, you know what you are doing! If you mess up mess up big and own it." Well, I went right instead of left put two moves in the wrong order but I shimmied and shook smiled and even added in some sassy facials to Taylor Swift's shake! It was fun, I really do love performing and being on stage and I hope people, especially The Girl and the kids in our studio, saw that. I hope the dancers from our studio lets it inspire them to smile and enjoy dancing enough to remember that voice in their performances and in turn, increase their scores!

So practice what you preach! Follow through with your own advice. Don't expect your kids to take your advice if you do not! Our kids will emulate us, sometimes out of respect and admiration and sometimes just out of habit and because of genetics. So let's not only be good role models but follow the advice we give to our kids. Let the kids see you try things and fail and see you try and succeed. Be honest about your decisions and let them lift your spirits every now and then if the "performance" wasn't your best or the "judges" didn't like it so much or things don't go you way. That is what we would do for them. We encourage them and love them in their best and worst so do that for yourself as well. Never miss an opportunity to have your "moment" and more than that, don't be afraid to go out and dance BIG! In the words of Lee Ann Womack "If you get a chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance" and better yet, do it on stage! 

#Everyday2015

BTW I need to brag The Girl did a great job this competition, her solo got a first place Platinum award and she won the title for her age group at this convention!  Yay!

Back To Work In A Month

So I am struggling today. Yesterday if you read past the end of my post in the "PS" section I revealed I am going back to work in the office I left almost a year ago, they are excited about that and so am I! I am a Massage Therapist and can't wait to getting back to doing what I love and what I am good at twice a week! However, every experiment of me going back to work since I have had kids, has ended in realizing my family needs me at home so I go back home to be a stay at home full time mom. Usually starts with or involves my house being less clean and organized, me feeling mom guilt by not being able to be at the kids and hubs beck and call and just plain blah don't have me time, I don't have family time and I don't have cleaning time. Which is why almost a year ago I decided I needed to be at home. I have missed my work. I miss seeing clients and knowing that I have made their day better. I miss knowing what I am doing and how to fix the problem in front of me and not having to fight with myself to accomplish tasks. When I do massage I am an expert! I have a lot of experience and training and I have even taught massage.

So since it will be less than a month when I go back to work, only two days a week and only during the hours that the kids are at school, I feel the need to get the house super clean and organized. It is a big fucking overwhelming task! All I can do is sit back and be irritated that I have so much to do and I don't know where to start. I want someone to come rescue me, the way my mom used to come rescue me when I would forget something at home she always brought it to school for me. I know I just have to do it, so why is it so hard for me to just do it?! Come on seriously Ruby WTF?!  I probably sound like an annoying whiner, especially to you moms who are already working and doing everything! Or to you men who get up and go to work everyday only to come home to a wife who has been home all day and you think we doing nothing. I hate myself feeling the way I feel right now. I hate myself for writing about it and not just doing it too! 

I want so badly to help my family in so many ways. So why don't I? I want to fix everything that is wrong or hard in this family. I want to make a little more money to help to take pressure off the hubs so he can be able to do whatever he wants for us and not have to worry about how the bills will get paid after. That financial freedom we had before we had kids and both of us had well paying full time jobs. I want to organize this house and cook food for the family so that we are all healthy. I want to be able to hug and love and take all the bad stuff away. So why is it so fucking hard for me to just put clothes away? The hubs works his ass off for us at work. At work he is the one who goes in and rescues all the problems he is an expert at his job. He is the one they call to fix the tough problems I am sure it is stressful for him to get all the hard stuff to do. So when I struggle actually getting my measly tasks done around the house I can understand why he is frustrated because he has struggled getting all the hard stuff done at his job. I am so frustrated. 

I love writing about it, why cant I just harness this energy and get the shit done? I am a great complainer. I love planning things and making lists I am good at the planning! I have a good vision of what I want and need to do. I suck at time management and breaking down the tasks so they are manageable and struggle focusing and follow through. I want my house organized and perfectly running smoothly, why wouldn't I want to just fold the clothes and wash the dishes. Why do I avoid those tasks?

Am I the only one that does this? I struggle letting my husband know I appreciate him. I know he wants a clean house and organized place to come home to but he has a forgetful wife who gets caught up in the moment and forgets things like to put the preplanned out meal in the crock pot and then has to get dinner ready all frazzled. I had great intentions but one misstep and the whole thing is fucked! Why and how I do I do this to myself. Why is it so hard? What makes me think I can go back to work a few days and week and do this with two less days a week when I can't do it without working?! Obviously, being a stay at home mom has not been the magic answer. I really hate myself on some days...many days. Go clean the bathtub that's what you need to do, organize your closet and put the clothes away and then vacuum. There now you are worthy! What The FUCK?! This is what goes on in my head!

Logically I know that I am worthy of love and everything that I get from my husband and the world. However, most times I feel that I am not, so what do I do to make up for that. Many times that means overly explaining and justifying my opinion to people like a grocery store cashier who I do not owe an explanation for anything to! Or it means trading sexual favors so the hubs can have a release and forget that the house is a bit chaotic. Or it means making the Girl dinner before she goes to dance and then eating mine cold after I get back. I can't make up for not being perfect for everyone. All I can do is be me and do me as best as I can. Honestly, am I alone in feeling like I don't know who or what the real me is? Am I as worthy of love as my house is clean? Am I as good as I am organized? or am I as frail as I am frazzled? I love my family, I love being a stay at home mom but I can't focus on the house and my duties to save my life...well maybe to save my life. I can clean like no ones business if I am pissed! When the hubs and I get in arguments I clean, drives him crazy but helps me not explode and blow up and scream at him we haven't argued like that in a long time...maybe because when we fight it is because the house is not clean and his anxiety about the craziness creeps up on him and my defensiveness creeps up on me and my frustration with my time management issues bother me as much as they do him...

Anyway this blog is brought up because I have a lot of shit to do and need to get to it so I will stop sulking and bitching and go do it! I will do this! I will make sure I learn to love myself even with dirty dished in the sink. I will put those plans into action one of these days but today I will just go do!

Or I will say Fuck It and it will be a sexual favors for the hubs kind of night! ;)  Either way I will love myself and my negativity will go away. I will love me and not with food or drink just love me! I am going to go get my Essential Oils Brain Power and En-R-Gee! Let's do this! Go Ruby!

#Everyday2015

Let You Inner Sherman Out. Be Bold Don't be Mediocre

Happy Blue Friday folks!!! It is Championship Weekend!!! Go Seahawks. Last year there was a bit of a controversy after the game when Richard Sherman called out Micheal Crabtree, referring to him as mediocre. Richard Sherman kind of sounded arrogant and disrespectful in his banter. However everything he said was true, and knowing Richard Sherman it was somewhat calculated. Later in the week he did not make an apology for calling him mediocre, he stuck to his word, he may have scared Erin Andrews in his rant and he did, however, apologized for that. He had something to say and he said it. The only apology was about the delivery no back pedaling or changing the meaning of what he said. I like that about him. He always puts 100% into everything he does, including his after the game on field interviews. He is bold and not afraid to say how he feels. The Hubs is like that. 

I am more reserved and keep my mouth shut more often than not I think some great thoughts but if I think it might offend someone I may not say it out loud, at least until later. I tend to be more politically correct, I wouldn't want to offend anyone. However, with this blog I do share a lot more than many of my outspoken friends do, but that is while hiding behind a computer screen. I am not afraid to put it out there. And by "it" I mean whatever might be on my mind and what I am thinking or feeling. I am getting more bold as the year continues but a lot of the time I will delete my comment on post that might be misinterpreted or if it is a joke that I think someone won't understand. In this blog I get the chance to say what I am thinking. I am more bold when typing (like most people are) but I am still me. Is the real Richard Sherman the mellow very well spoken guy we see in a press conference or the arrogant bully (as some have called him) that we see on the field on game day? Is there two Richard Shermans? Does that change our opinion of him? Am I the Ruby who thinks one thing and never says it out loud? Or the one who says almost everything on her mind while writing my blog? Does it matter? I say no.

Do we think the fact that most of us have a work personality, home personality, game personality, and around other parents personality and even the bedroom personality make us hypocritical? It is just a fact and in some jobs and situations a necessity. I don't just that fact makes us hypocritical. As long as you at the core really don't change. If we offend our friend by something we say or a word we use when we are being honest, I believe the problem lies with the friend. If it is how we deliver it, I believe, the problem in this case may lie with the person being disrespectful in their tone or delivery. Say what you feel and be honest but be respectful, mindful and sensitive especially when it is a sensitive topic that hits close to home. Most of us need to learn how to stop taking things so personally. I have a lot of crazy colors on the walls in my house. Some people are not afraid to tell me it is not their choice of color. Some are more tactful or respectful in saying it others use words that could be kind of a personal attack. However it is their opinion not mine. If I got offended every time someone didn't like my colors I would have no friends left! It does not mean they don't like me or my house, they just don't like my choice of color, and they don't have to, it's my choice. I wish I could speak my mind more freely and not offend people or I wish I didn't care but I do. I am going to be working on that! You, readers work on not being offended, deal?

Let's be who we are! You know the saying men want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. (I don't know if I qualify anymore as a lady in the streets since I put it out on the internet! Who Cares! Yes I am!!) We do need to censor in some settings but we don't need to change what you like and who you are! I may not go down the street in Green Bay chanting 12th Man chants (which I would do in Seattle on Game Day) but that doesn't mean I won't wear my Seahawks jersey or start chanting Go Pack Go either. In the bedroom let's not be afraid to get a little risque with our mate! I'll say it again, Men like the lady in streets freak in the bed type women and most women like the Christian Gray type as well. Let those reservations out and don't be afraid to share those moments with your love. Don't just wait 'till his birthday! You can start with just a little dirty talk and then go from there. If he is asking for it and you are lost or have no idea where to start ask him to demonstrate what he means when he asks for dirty talk. (Remember no one will hear you and your preschool moms will not judge you for what they can't hear!) Have fun with it. Let you inner game day Richard Sherman out! He always puts his all on the field! Your field is your domain, your bedroom, kitchen, laundry, put your all into it be it cleaning the kitchen, folding clothes or knocking boots. Go for the score and definitely don't be mediocre! 

#Everyday2015

Hump Day, Just Do It

Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay. ~John Gottman

Happy Hump Day!!!  It is the first of 2015! Get IT

Today is Wednesday and I still have yet to tackle the organization task I wrote about on Monday.  It's kind of a catch 22 I need to clean up the kitchen to be able to take everything out of the cabinets and on Monday I had to take the Boy to the orthodontist and got home with just enough time to get everything out but not enough time to do anything so I did other stuff I think laundry and decided to start Tuesday. Well Tuesday was the anniversary of my Dad's death if you read yesterday you know this. Writing yesterday took a little longer and a little more out of me than I expected and I had a counselor appointment and had to organize rosters for the boy's wrestling team (team mom duties) and that took A LOT longer than I expected it to. Then I had to alter my Wrestling mom T-Shirt Some may say not important other procrastination I say: very important and a fun productivity break. I did manage to clean up breakfast and lunch dishes and make dinner and start laundry each day. (highlight the word start) So today is the day, I have until 1:30 when I have my first appointment. 

So moral of the story is that I need to organize my time better especially now that I have added writing for Sex Love and Washing Clothes to my daily tasks and I need to add workout!!! I will accomplish this. One Day. This exact phenomena is one reason I decided to start Sex Love and Washing Clothes, one for accountability and two for pressure to actually figure out time management! So I applied my Young Living Essential Oil ADD Blend of Vetiver, Lavender and Cedarwood and then applied one drop of Brain Power to the top of my head and finished my first step of cleaning the surface of the kitchen first and now sitting to write and next tear it up in here (I am writing in the kitchen)!

Yesterday was less productive than I hoped.  At about 2:00 the Hubs got the most exciting text ever!! It was more detailed but said "sexual favors tonight!" Which he didn't care why or where that came from he was like YEAAAH!!!!!! Not that it is boring to have sex everyday with the same person but I feel like I have to step up my game every now and then as I don't want to get boring and especially when I decide to say "Fuck It, I am done cleaning I don't care if I accomplished today's tasks" Not that he knew what today's specific tasks are, just saying... We have had sex everyday of 2015! Yes every single day and it is so rad to say that!  (I needed a new adjective) However, I has seemed like we do kind of same thing everyday and I don't want the Hubs to feel like it is a job.  I love it though my husband is more concerned with how much I enjoy sex than himself.  He is no "one minute man" and/or one who gets his and is done. I am a well taken care of lady, let me tell you! So yesterday I was going to make him a well taken care of man! And I did, well, did not go as good as I wanted but he loved it and was very satisfied.  He is loving Sex Love and Washing Clothes!

So friends, I want to leave you with this, if you are joining the Sex Love and Washing Clothes with #Everyday2015 try new things and when in doubt go with what works. It is not always about the end result it is about getting it done. Wait, that sounds kind of bad.  I don't mean that in a "I have to do it" it's a job, kind of way but in the "Just Do It" kind of way. Like I have said in earlier posts I am so surprised, pleasantly of all that just doing the Bare Necessities of Sex Love and Washing Clothes is doing for me! See this blog post if you didn't read it yet Bare Necessities (I don't know how to link it here or I would, yes I am a rookie)   It has made us closer for sure, it has made the Hubs so much more relaxed and less argumentative and his OCD is overlooked because he focuses on the Sex part and looks to see what Washing Clothes part I got done but knows that he is getting some tonight! So Just Do It! I know there a lot of prudes out there (I say that in the most loving and understanding way) mostly you women get over your fear and judgement and Just do IT!!! I promise he will like it! If he doesn't talk about it what does he want what do you want.  What are you afraid of? Bad sex with your spouse is better than no sex! Even if it's not everyday do It more and see what it does for you. Let yourself enjoy it! Same for you men take care of your women and you will for sure get It more! Communicate and connect with your spouse! It's Hump Day get to It!

I leave you with a Quote from John Gottman "Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay"  So go get some!!

#Everyday2015