How are we all doing on the #Everyday2015? Is anyone still in it? Have you done "it" 28 times this year? Well, I have! Sometimes I feel full of shit for writing this blog. When the Hubs and I are in daily life of normal family type things that are less than glamorous and we seem or feel in that moment less than happy, it is tough to spend any more moments trying to please the man (or him trying to please me.) We have done it though. We powered through a few nights and came out the other side and guess what, it made us closer and we are happier for it. We get into spats or mini sometimes major arguments that start because of thoughts like this: "I know I am working harder than he is because I am in here the kitchen cooking and cleaning after a day of grocery shopping, organizing, volunteering at school and then going to get the kid from practice getting their homework done and off to bed and finally at 9 or so I can sit down next to him and relax"...all the while he is thinking he is working harder than I am because he is getting up early going to work everyday then coming home and fixing the broken washing machine and then going to take a kid to practice and then finally at 9 he can finally sit down... Our stories are not very different. In actuality they sound very similar right? Well we have to stop being selfish! Both stories are right but why do we find the need to compare how hard we are working against how hard our spouse it working! I guarantee you are both putting in the same amount of effort. Maybe not on a physical level and maybe not completely even across the board everyday but you are both giving your lives 100% to your family in one way or another!
Let's take an example of our team! The Seahawks started out the season 3-3 and then went to 6-4. That was right about when analyst and band wagoners were counting them out. It was also right about when the team leaders got everyone together for a player only meeting to recommit to each other. They started playing the game FOR each other! Not just for themselves, not even for the win, for the love of their brothers. We all know how that ended(Superbowl baby!). When you stop looking over your shoulder and comparing what you are doing vs what your teammates are doing you. You get better. You can't control them anyway. You can only control you. If you know your teammate is giving 100% every play you don't want to be the guy to take a play off and give up a big play. You would let him down. You want to be the guy following the play through so you can help block or catch a tipped ball. When a teammate needs help you help him out you do it because you know he would do it for you! That is when you become unstoppable. That is why I believe the Seahawks will win the Super Bowl! The Defense has the back of the offense. Those players play for each other each play individually for the rest of the team. They have short memories of dropped balls and mistakes they are always looking at the goal that is a team win! They do not point fingers at the guy who dropped a ball or missed a tackle. They maintain trust, that when needed, that same teammate will come up big! Seahawks will win as team. We as couples and families need to win as a team
At sometimes during this month of Sex, Love and Washing Clothes I have thought that this was the answer to true happiness. It has not been bad for my life but it also has not been a magical pill, we still have to the work, just like we did before! When the Hubs and I start keeping tally of what you did for me or what I did for you things go bad. As I am sure that happens to you too! We all need to remember we are on the same team. Yes right now I may be dropping the ball a little more than you or maybe you feel your spouse doesn't help out enough. Maybe your spouse is waiting for you to ask. It probably is miss communication and sometimes if you are like us trying to talk about that miss communication only creates more miss communication. Show your spouse you care about what is bothering them.
"In every complaint there is a deep personal longing." ~John GottmanPay attention to your partners complaints what is there deep personal longing that they are needing to communicate but can't figure out how. Maybe they need more connection, maybe they are overworked at the office, maybe stressed about finances or maybe they just don't feel like you pay attention to them enough. Try to talk to them but also if you listen to their complaints (don't take them personal it's about them not you) and see if there is a way you can help come to a solution, ask them if there is a solution they are looking for. One solution may just be to have someone who will let them complain or even complain about the same thing along with them. That may help to bridge the divide that daily life stress causes!
My favorite advice: When in doubt have sex. Grab some erotic pictures off the internet, read erotic stories or make up your own with your mate. Get out the sex dice and put aside your differences and have a crazy fun romp. If time is an issue, go to bed earlier or invest in a lock for your door crank up the TV to muffle the noise and tell your kids you are off work for the night! But get in that positive touch somehow! Remember the person you fell in love with. The overworked under paid and overextended dad of your kids might not be too attractive right now but put him in a room with no distractions and give him your 100% naked body attention you may remember what the real Bare Necessities of life really are! So will he,hopefully he can turn off his brain for it, don't take it personal just give him time and be patient.
Go get you some tonight folks! Be in this moment like it is a 2 minute drill at the end of the 4th Quarter for the win of the Superbowl! It is competition Wednesday, make it competition worthy. If you want to compete with your spouse here are the parameters who can make the other one cringe with excitement better faster and longer hold it there for you to catch up and together let it go for a Score!
Go Hawks! Go Families! Go Couples!
#Everyday2015
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