Good Bye 2014

It is that last day of 2014!  The end of the year, but is it really the END of anything? We know we will all write 2014 at least once next year. The new year is always the start of something.  How was your year?  Do you label yours? Was it a good year or a bad year? I try not to label the day week, month or year. Chances are for me if I labeled my year, day or month it would depend on how I was feel at that very second. This year has been rough at times, amazing at other times.  I cried a lot this year does that make it a bad year? I also smiled and laughed a lot too, would that make it good? I am here on December 31, 2014 so I think it makes it a good year. I lived to tell about it! We had a great time traveling on a Cruise with The Girl's dance, her team was selected for a showcase dance (a big honor), the Boy's football team went to the championship game, finished 2nd they were an amazing team! The Seahawks won the Superbowl!!!! I lost 25ish pounds! The Hubs and I went to the Gottman Institute weekend workshop, which was great but we had some of our worst times since then but now are in a much better place than that! AND, I started a blog!!!  

2015 is looking pretty good! Sex everyday!!! And I get to blog about it! What could be bad about that? OMG?! Sex EVERYDAY?  Am I up for this?  Last night I had a minor anxiety freak out in my head.  Can I really do it? What if I don't? "If I don't, it won't really matter I will just be honest and say...' "what?"  "You made a promise, you even decided to blog about how it affects your marriage, your life, your followers lives" "All to just say ,eh, it was too hard"  "for just one day you couldn't enjoy sex for one F-ing day and ruined the whole year?" "no one said you have to enjoy, just spread your legs and get the job done!" (this was my inner monologue with myself last night.  I have a lot of conversations like this). So yes I am a little scared it's going to all fall apart and I am going to be a failure. Here are a list of concerns...oh lord this could be a long list .....followed by solutions

• What if I fail?  .....be more specific, you made the rules, don't give up just do it!
• What if the hubs has problems with ED? .....really?  Never been a problem and what if?  He can get it done other ways if you know what I mean :-)
• What if I am tired or have a head ache or am sick?   .....Tough it out Ruby, you know you like it, he has a way of 'getting you there' you will be fine!
• What if we are fighting? .....Really you will be having sex everyday do you really think that will happen
• Yes    ..............okay, well you have both done it before put the argument out of your head and just Fuck, pure raw physical, sex, you can do it, be in the moment
• What if people start judging me about my blog? .....all the more reason to keep going, haters gonna hate
• Can I really make a difference in my world by doing this?   ......yes, you can and you will
• What if I forget?  ......Don't forget!
• But really, what if? .........a two a day the next day!!!  This may be cheating but I am keeping it in my back pocket, and I make the rules, I can change them right?
• What if we get board or uninspired?  .....figure it out, maybe invest in sex dice, sex games, books ect, you can do this, look in that drawer in your night stand, use something in there!
• What if we can't get enough of each other?  .....is this a bad thing?  Really?!

So okay there are a few thoughts.  I am committed I will keep up this blog and I will have sex everyday and I will wash clothes/do housework everyday!  And I will blog about it.  I will give suggestions and advice when I feel the need and I will be sarcastic and funny when I am feeling that. I will try not to be a downer however everyone has ups and downs and I am incapable of not being real so if it's a bottom of the roller coaster kind of day you will know. Just know that I will always try to put a positive spin on everything! I will live by this quote:

My favorite ever quote! Wait,this doesn't apply to writers/bloggers, we want everyone to like us don't we? What are the rules for that?  ....wait, see, that is where I always go, someone tell me how I am supposed to feel!!!!! But, no, I will not go there, this is what I say to you if you don't like what I have to say you do have the choice to not read. So yes, I will use my second favorite quote now... "Fuck It!"  I will do what I want.  I want this, I want those who want to follow my journey to read about it and maybe even try it for themselves or just wash clothes MORE and have MORE sex. I really believe if we have more sex with our partners we will have better relationships!  

In 2015 my personal work, will be to work on my inner monologue  It is now not the most positive and I want to change that! Starting this blog is a big step. I am committed to being real and sometimes that will include a colorful word or two or an opinion that is not popular. I am always tempted to say "sorry" for it but I won't. What I will say is that I will never intentionally say anything with the purpose to offend or put down anyone. So please don't take things personally it really is not intended to judge or to say I am right, you are wrong. I will just be me.  You just be you. Feel free to comment on my blog posts, share them, everywhere and I will try to follow up with as many as I can. I am looking forward to this adventure and am ready! Please feel free to use the hash-tag #Everyday2015 on twitter or social media as you join me on this adventure. I may get onto other sites soon but for now find me on Google+ and my Twitter handle is @SLWC_Ruby

Raise your glass and toast with me to Sex, Love and Washing Clothes #Everday2015  Cheers to great sex and clean houses in 2015! Happy New Year!! 

2 Extra People = Increased Stress In The House

Happy Tuesday!  The day after I announced the Bare Necessities of my blog for 2015!  Sex, love and washing clothes everyday for the whole year!  I sit here as I have towels in the laundry and after a great evening with The Hubs, we had hot buttered rum in the hot tub and then a nice kidless night at home!  I love my kids but really we are so much more relaxed when they are at Grandma's.  Imagine that, two less people to manage and there is less stress in the house.  It's not insensitive, it's truth, a mathematical truth.  The Hubs said to me last night can we just be like this all the time even when the kids are here (for the record he was talking about the relaxed mood not the nakedness and/or loud sex, just so you know).  My response was a resounding really loud YES!!!

Notice:  this was a little more heavy and serious than I had planned and it's not even 2015 yet but I just go where inspiration takes me!  I am incapable of not being real and honest and following my heart

Kids create a lot of added stress.  Forgive me for being real here but sometimes as adults as much as we love our children, adding two more lives (or however many each of you have) it is a challenge!  And in my opinion it is okay to say it out loud!  One big thing parents need to do for their kids is to love the person they are parenting with.  I realize in this day and age it is not always the biological parents.  For ease of my writing I will probably use "Mom" and "Dad" but please know that I know sometimes the family is not always conventional and I respect that and think this applies to you as well so please insert mom and mom or dad and dad if and when needed.  If you are parenting alone you need to take care of you!!  You still have to be happy and healthy and putting everything into your kids, single parents, is not healthy either...balance, it is all about balance.

Kids come first, yes, when it comes to saving them from a sinking ship and all but sometimes it is okay for mom or dad to come first.  Putting life on hold for the kids will only grow you apart from your spouse, and probably grow the children into selfish adults.  Kids need to get to practices and rehearsals on time and homework done and yes you will be sacrificing a lot for your little bundles of joy.  (NEWSFLASH:  don't stay little!)  They grow up and move out eventually!  So we as parents have to make sure of 2 important things 1. That we model how to work together and love our partners and 2. That when they move out we still know and love our spouse and still have something to connect to when we don't have kids.

I am not a trained parenting expert so I will try to avoid giving advice.  I will just tell my story.  I am a parent and a wife and I love my kids they are primary in my life, but not always. Every week the Hubs and I have a date night.  Every few months we have weekends away that don't involve kids.  In my daily life The Girl (10) dances competitively (eh...a source of stress with the amount of money it costs ...we could buy a small island with how much it costs... it is what it is) and The Boy plays sports (a source of stress with the amount of time volunteering and coaching my husband and I put in ...it could be a full time job especially during certain seasons).  With all that being said our kids are very successful in their activities, and most of the time we are right there by their side.  They enjoy their activities and enjoy us going to watch and look for us in the crowd or on the sidelines.  It means a lot to our kids having us supporting them.  However we sometimes have other things that make it so we can't be there all the time.  For the most part they understand, they get sad that we can't be there all the time but they know that they still matter to us even though we had other plans.  For example, we have season tickets to Seahawks this season in particular we have had to miss one of each of the kids events for games.  And there was a day we had to miss a Seahawks game for the Boy's Championship game.  Some things don't happen all the time like Championship Games or Nationals, again there is that word balance.  You have to balance it out and make choices that you both (mom and dad) can live with.  Sometimes you just need together time and sometimes it won't work out.

For the Hubs and I Seahawks, no actually, football has been a big deal for our relationship.  I learned about football sitting in front of my locker in high school reading scouting reports with him.  It is something we bonded over early on.  I looked forward to every Monday morning sitting there learning his assignment for the game on Friday.  For a while I was the only wife allowed at games (partly because I was the only wife in the group and partly because I was the only chick in our group who really knew football but mostly because the Hubs wanted me there and of course I wanted to be there) Now I look forward to Sunday home games.  When my kids were babies I was quite a worried mom.  Game days were the only time I could get away and really let myself enjoy and be me, not mom and I didn't feel guilty.  We did have other date times but I was always waiting for the phone to ring or calling checking in.  It was important to me, to have that feeling of being just 'me' but that did not make me less of a good mom.  Now, the kids love football to the Boy plays and the Girl asked us to record the game the day she performed and we went the game (and missed her performance)  She asked if she could go to the one game we missed this year (actually ever in the last 10 years that we have had season tickets) when her brother played in his Championship game on a Sunday home game.  We told her that her brother's game was more important!  ...Balance

My point is parents need connection because your kids will grow up one day and you will be left with your spouse. One connection the Hubs and I have (hopefully you do too) is obviously sex but it is also Football and the kids know that.  We also have date nights regularly.  Sometimes the kids will give us a hard time when they have to go to Grandma's but, if we miss date night they ask and wonder why  they keep us on track too.  They know that we love them and we love each other.  They see us fight (not always super proud of that but we are real even in front of our kids) we wear our stress on our sleeves and the kids pick it up too, they are smart people.  They said to us one day "you guys need a weekend away (we really did) and we need a weekend at Grandma's".  ...Not sure if that was wisdom and observation or just that they wanted to go to the place where they rule the roost for a couple days!  But regardless, we made it happen Grandma was happy to oblige and keep the kids for our "escape weekend" at the end of the weekend we were all happier and reset to conquer our world.

The whole adage of kids come first is great but really sometimes your marriage need to come first.  Your husband gets up every morning to provide for you and you get up every morning to clean cook and keep your house running.  You do it for your kids you do it for you and you do it for your husband.  He really does appreciate all you do even when he doesn't say it.  They say "you must first love yourself before you can love someone else" which is very true (plan time to take care you in there too).  You have to love yourself and take care of yourself and you have to make a priority to love the mother or father (bio or otherwise, or co-parent) of your children so that you can show your kids how to be married and be a team together.  Marriage is hard and should be your number 1 priority.  You are raising little people...adults not kids.  Your kids grow up to be adults and they need to know that they have to put in the work it takes to be happy the same way you are putting in the work to be happy!  They need to see their mom and dad taking care of each other they will learn that behavior, trust me.  Now that we are fighting less, our kids are fighting less.  

Don't judge yourself against me or anyone else always do your best.  Love your best and when in doubt have some good sex!!  That is a great way to get connection with your spouse!

Happy #Everyday2015

Bare Necessities

Sex Love and Washing Clothes is about the Bare Necessities of Life and Love (credit the hubs for the title of today's blog).  So let me explain what I mean by Bare Necessities.  Bare Necessities of Sex Love and Washing Clothes is this:  Everyday in 2015 will include Sex, love and washing clothes!  So you will be reading about my experiences involving that. I love everyday all day so that goes without stating an action plan but I will be having sex with my husband, and washing clothes everyday!  Yes I said EVERYDAY!!!  

Like many couples my husband and I have had our struggles in our marriage.  Marriage is hard work but marriage is important to us, we said vows and meant them and have no intention or desire to break them. We said "Till Death" and as easy as it would be and no one would blame us for walking away, we stubbornly stay together through good times and bad. However, we have amazing make up sex most times after we argue, we have in the middle of arguments decided that instead of fighting we would rather do something else that starts with "F" (can I use the real word?) so we strip off our clothes and go at it. Even when we are not fighting we have great sex and we get adventurous.  We call it attitude adjustments sometimes.  Some of our Facebook friends have figured out what the post "Talk about an attitude adjustment!"  really means.  So for this blog in 2015 we will be experimenting what Sex Love and Washing Clothes everyday does for us. Everyday of 2015!

We will probably have to figure out how to master the quicky on some days.  Again, we have great sex and great sex takes time and effort and sometimes as much as I like, no love, how it feels sometimes I am just tired and want to just snuggle into my husbands perfect arms wrapped around me and his warm body pressed against me as we go to sleep at night.  However starting Wednesday January 1, 2015 that will not be an option for 365 days!  Unless of course we had day sex on that particular day. (What if he has to travel for work or something without me?.....that will get interesting)

We will, no, I will also have to figure out better time management and organization to get the "washing clothes" part done everyday...no more taking weekends off of house cleaning or at least washing the clothes. Honestly, I don't mind washing clothes.  I mind the folding and putting away part and the searching for all the MIA hangers to hang all the clean clothes on.  We have a lot of clothes partly to make up for the fact that laundry is not done sometimes for a week or more (don't judge you do it too).  So I think I may have to go buy more hangers so that all the clean clothes will have a place to go.  (Maybe some purging would be good too but let's not get too ahead of our selves).

I think a great part of this will be to help me and maybe some of you stay at homers out there to realize it is possible to connect with each other and keep up with house work (I need proof on the latter part). Obviously in real life we can't "have it all"  we must make an effort to make our lives right and happy and give ourselves rules and guidelines to live by.  We also have to make sacrifices too.  The hard part is deciding what to sacrifice.  Are you sacrificing what is important for something that really is not?  We all have choices to make and many times we make the easy or popular one, not realizing we are sacrificing what is really important for something that really is not.  For this year the biggest rules for me are sex and washing clothes everyday!  This could be a drag (haha sex everyday a drag? NO, it's the washing clothes part)  but I am going to make it fun and I am going to find a new love of washing clothes and writing about it...or at least writing about it. I will also work on my skills and gain experience blogging (I don't know what half of the things on the sidebars mean here...but I will figure it out hopefully).

I hope you are excited to follow this journey and feel free to join me!  Find me on Twitter and connect with me @SLWC_Ruby

In 2013 I did a challenge to myself of #13in2013 I was running a half marathon on New Years Eve and decided that I would run 13 races in 2013.  It was so rewarding and crossing that finish line on race 13 I was in pain after injuring my hip during the run but was so happy and proud of myself for finishing!  This year is going to rock!  #Everyday2015

So there you have it for today!  The Bare Necessities of this blog and my 2015!  

Where it came from

Sex Love and Washing Clothes is about my stay at home mom and wife life.  This blog is going to be a funny and light and sometimes deep and meditative.  I hope to inspire and share my world with other women who are in the same place and need either comic relief or someone to relate to.  The title is Sex Love and Washing Clothes I will cover about 30% of each topic and then there is room for a bit of 10% filler room for me to decide what to write about.  

Here is a rundown of my idea and how I define the title.

Sex:  As a wife and a women in her mid 30s, sex is important.  A hot topic we SAHM’s rarely talk about and probably even less read about.  Like I said, I believe good sex is one thread (very thin at times) that has held my marriage to my high school sweetheart  together  for  14 years (total relationship time of 18 years! OH MY!)   I think a lot of us leave a lot out there to be desired, due to being tired, sometimes prudish, maybe even self conscious or just uneducated or naive.   Sex is a great way to communicate with our men.  They are physical and to them they need the sex communication the same way we need to talk to them about our day.  Men are physical, we are more emotional but in his eyes it goes a long way and it’s not “that hard” and if you do it right he will be! 

Love:  The  topic always on the mind of us SAHM’s love for our kids, love for our husband’s, family and being the best we can be and by best I mean efficient, pretty, kids well behaved, house spotless and every member of our families happy and healthy.  This topic will include all kinds of love of family, self, spiritual, and even some fashion and shoe talk maybe.  The biggest love we all know we need to work on is love for ourselves.

Washing Clothes:  The thing that may cause a divorce in my household is the “washing clothes” part. The everything else a mom does and is responsible for.  I could have said doing dishes or scrubbing toilets but washing clothes had the right amount of syllables and sound good to me.  Sometimes in my house, sex makes up for the lack of house cleaning that I do sometimes (yes sometimes I plan it out to avoid housework, don't judge, my husband appreciates it).  Obviously, my house is not spotless, it is not in total disarray either. It is probably pretty close to what your house looks like, unless you are a neat freak or a horder. When I named my blog is was a Wednesday my husband and I exchange happy hump day texts every so often on a Wednesday (especially if that is how we started our day) so I sent him a picture of a huge pile of laundry on my bed and said "Not the Hump I was hoping for"  … This may have a lot of sarcasm in this part of the blog…need I say more?  

I really do love taking care of my family.  It does take a toll on my ADD personality sometimes and, as many of you probably do as well, I sometimes feel like my worth is equal to the cleanliness of my house… however I know (or at least hope) that it is not true. I can be a successful mom and women without having a spotless house.  As most of you also do, I will wake up tomorrow and try again.  But in the mean time I will have sex with my husband and a cuddle session before I go to sleep tonight.  I hope you do too.

I am excited to get my blog off the ground now.  Just FYI I will probably mostly post Monday- Friday today is Friday and on Monday I will have a big announcement of where this blog is going.  I say that as if I have a direction.  There is a minor detail I am going to add that will help me focus through 2015 and if you want join in with me,feel free we can make it a movement!! ... More Monday!

Sex Love and Washing Clothes Intro

This is my first try at blogging.  I am so nervous I am going to get it wrong but I am going to take the Zumba rule (I used to teach Zumba) "The only way you can do it wrong is if you are not having fun"  I will have fun, be real and honest and take this journey and hopefully all of you will enjoy as well.

I am a stay at home mom.  I have been wanting to blog about my life (sort of) for a while.  In the last few years my husband and I have had struggles and one thing (sometime a very thin thread) that has kept us together, and I say this in a very real way of truth is, Sex.  We have really good, great, mind blowing sex together. This is not an X-rated blog but it will include some talk of sex since the title is Sex Love and Washing Clothes.  I would not suggest getting married to a one night stand because of this kind of sex but staying married to a man you can't tell whether today you love or hate...worth it!

Let me tell a little about myself.  I am married to my high school sweetheart.  We have been together for 18 years married 14 we have 2 kids a girl 10 and a boy 8.  I have ADD and my husband is OCD (diagnosed by me).  We are the epitome of opposites attract but after a while and growing up from 16/17 year olds when we met to 34/35 years old now, we have definitely figured out what the blurred line of Love/Hate really is.  I never understood it until recently. I am a slight feminist, not in the burning my bra kind, I'm the girls can do as much as boys type (although there are limits on that as well but lets not get into that).  I love staying at home with my kids but I also love working and having an impact on the world. Sometimes, as a mom, I feel like my being in this world in underused by just being a stay at home mom.  Which is what this blog is about.  The term "just a mom" is another soap box but let's stick to the topic.  Sex Love and Washing Clothes!

This blog comes with a challenge/focus for me 2015 stay tuned for more details!

Again I am new please be kind in your comments and feel free to give me advice on my writing/ blogging feel free to ask questions I will try to figure out how to stay interactive with you all.  Thank you for reading.